Uncle John!?

Uncle John is a very creepy individual who loves camping, his "favorite nephew", staring eerily into the distance, and his lustful distaste to everyone but his butler Jeeves and his nephew. He wears a red baseball cap, a dusty grey crew neck, timberland boots and sweatpants. He used to look like Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs, but his skin turned black as the void because of his soul melting away. Although not being totally evil, he is a dangerous pedo that must be avoided at all costs.

Attributes of this beastly rapscallion

 * drives a big white van
 * snatches boys up in his glad bag, thinking they're his nephew
 * probably not actually related to his nephew
 * no pupils in his eyes, just white soulless blanks
 * was a mike rowe impersonator for 50 long years
 * arch nemesis is Man God
 * lives in a mansion filled with candy and toys
 * often stares off into distance, especially when camping

Quotes
"'Uncle John, what are you doing here?'- nephew""'Shh......' - UJ"